Infiltrating the Heartland of the Homeland

We usually stay away from cheap shots here at Impeachable Treason, but I can't resist.

So, speaking of the ongoing monumental struggle between good and evil (see Trubnikovsky, below), what is it with the closeted gay Evangelical megachurch preachers in Colorado?

If this were happening to Evangelical megachurch pastors in southern California or New England, we might be able to blame it on the tofu in the diet ... but this is COLORADO, for cryin' out loud. These people eat sheep and cows and bison and whatnot without even cooking them. I think potatoes are the only vegetable product they get on a regular basis.

I can only think of one explanation, and it's terrifying. Somehow, those in charge of The Homosexual Agenda have infiltrated the heartland and are using their mystical powers to gayify leaders who would otherwise be toiling dutifully away at building an army of young Bush worshippers.

Why are our soldiers bogged down in the desert when this kind of attack is happening right here in the Homeland?